No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
