i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I could fuck to npr.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
