Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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