I'm lost and stupid without you.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
