If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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