Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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