i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
