I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Randomize
