he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I need to calm my uterus...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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