I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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