Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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