I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
