so explain again why im purple
no
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
