Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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