what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
