I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
