no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
