You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize