i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
