my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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