I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
