That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
