Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize