sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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