well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
