there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
