i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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