just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
