Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
