If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize