I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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