you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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