i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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