i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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