I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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