My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
