I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize