how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
