Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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