she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
