You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
