My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
