when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
