I wish I only lived at night.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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