At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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