Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
