I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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