I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My ass is underappreciated
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
