So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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