debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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