she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
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