it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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