Plan B is the new Plan A
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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