"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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