mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
