whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
