you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
All the doctor said was why
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
