I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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