Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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