gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
