His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
