grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i was born a porn star she said
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
3 2 1 whiskey
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
