A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
