I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
