Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
