So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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