Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
